Day 4: Absence Makes the Heart Grow...Angrier

I'm so mad at you. Why do you have to be this way? Why did you have to do all those horrible things to us? Why can't you just be normal? I'm sitting here looking at our two wonderful sons, and thinking how much you're missing out on because you can't be normal. You have missed so much. Our oldest is 1 now, and I heard you didn't even bother to mention his birthday to your mother, or anyone for that matter. You missed the birth of our youngest, thank you so much, I'm so glad I had to deliver our child ALL BY MYSELF! That was fun explaining to the hospital staff. Oh, but that's right, you don't even claim them as your own. You've already said you'd only take them just to hurt me. You make me sick. How could you not claim them? They look just like you idiot. That's okay, we're better and safer without you in our lives. We wouldn't be alive if you were around. So, of course it's for the best that you're not in our lives any longer. I'm just so upset that this is the life we have to live because you think it's okay to harm others. It's disgusting what you're okay with doing and saying. Especially to people you supposedly "love"...well "loved." I just wish the boys didn't have to grow up without a father, but it's better than the alternative. Why can't things just rewind, go back to the beginning, and the person you pretended to be was really who you are? Oh, that's right, life just doesn't work that way. I wish I could just get everything off my chest and tell you how I feel. Everything you put us through. I just want to yell and scream at you. I hate that you're the only one that ever got to express things. If you ever find your way to this...I hate you. Why'd you make me fall for a man that doesn't exist? I'm sick of being in love with a lie. No, I don't love you don't you understand. I told you that all the time. I don't love you, I love the guy you pretended to be in the beginning. There's so much I want to say to you, yet I can't even form it into words to throw your way. Why? Why'd you have to hurt me every single day? Why couldn't you be the man you pretended to be? Why did you pick me as your target? Why did you stick around for 4 years with me, yet only stayed for two seconds with all of your exes? I'm so glad your mom stopped us from getting married that day. Goodbye to you.