Day 3: Forever Ruining Our Lives

It was already bad enough when my abuser was around ruining everything. He took away my dignity. He sabotaged relationships with all of my family and friends. He took every cent of money I ever made. Or he'd make me panhandle for money and cigarettes. Which of course, if I didn't make the amount he set he'd beat me and make me do things I didn't want to do. He constantly damaged all of my property. Now, even after he's gone he's still screwing things up. I'm doing this all on my own taking care of two baby boys and I'm on welfare because I can't get a job. I had a job last summer that only lasted 3 months. I was lucky they didn't fire me when he was chasing me around my work all over and even to the back of the warehouse. Instead, because he got me pregnant with my youngest son 3 weeks after having my oldest I was fired for being pregnant. Of course, they didn't say that was the reason, but that was for lawsuit purposes. Because I was pregnant so fast after having a baby it was a very rough pregnancy. I was constantly running to the bathroom throwing up blood, and worried about miscarrying due to continuous spotting. My last straw was him putting my oldest son in danger. He had left him all by himself for god knows how long. That night he damaged the van he made me lease. Which has since been repossessed since clearly I couldn't pay for it. So now that bill went to collections, only after the company lied and said I caused damage to it that I didn't. My mother's final straw before she called was witnessing sitting on me while pregnant, as far as she knew that was the worst of it, but it wasn't. The cops came to pick him up, but as usual he ran. I told them he'd just come back after they left, he always did. Sure enough, they left, and he came back. I had locked and blocked all the doors and windows in the house. He tried so hard to get in the house that night, it was terrifying. He ripped the screen door open even though it was locked, and almost burst right through our front door. Since that didn't work, he decided to steal the car that I was given to drive. The same car that was supposed to be my college graduation present, but because of him it was decided that it was no longer mine to have. Didn't matter anyways, because that night, he crashed it in a police chase. Now, he's incarcerated, for not as long as he should have been mind you. Raising two babies all on my own. Two babies that he doesn't even claim as his own any longer. He knows exactly where I live, and all the places I can go. Housing waiting lists have a 3-4 year wait. Isn't exactly feasible when this house is in foreclosure, and he will be out in 6 months. I have an amazing 3-year-old boxer named Mayhem, that I've had since he was just a few weeks old. Now, because of this housing situation, I have to give my beloved dog to a rescue shelter. He was my first baby boy before I had my sons. He is without a doubt THE best dog ever, and now because this jerk ruined our lives, I have to get rid of him. I'd keep him if I could, but the housing authority says no big dogs allowed no matter what. I've been trying to get custody of my children, but of course without money it makes it very difficult. All I can do is contact pro bono lawyers, which I have, but still haven't heard back from them. I was given the chance to get custody through establishing paternity with child support, but of course I couldn't take that route no matter how bad I wanted to. Why you may ask? Because if I went for custody this way, they'd instantly grant visitation to him. Which absolutely cannot happen. There were already incidents with my son that I wouldn't stand for or allow, at a time when he did claim him as his son. Not to mention all the times he tried to make me miscarry during both pregnancies. So what on earth would stop him from harming my children during a visit when he doesn't claim them any longer? NOTHING. So with all this, it pretty much sums up to, with or without him, life is hell. There's always one obstacle right on top of the other. I always told him I'd much rather be without him and miserable, than with him and miserable...but I certainly didn't mean being miserable from things he caused. Forever haunted by him.